Wednesday 31 December 2008

:(

I feel like such an idiot for not arranging to do anything on New Year's Eve and so ending up sitting in my room in an empty empty Durham, with a stomach cramp no less. And not even a train ride because my keys to the flat in Edinburgh have disappeared, so I missed my train and have that to worry about, instead of 'Anjali, being on your own has never been a problem for you so let's just have a wonderful evening!' No, I need to find that key or think up another plan, because I want to be out of the house ASAP, because I suspect the Browns (our landlords) may come in tomorrow, and I told them I was leaving today.
Also, do you have any idea where the manual for my printer is so I can find out how to fix 'error 5100' and print out all the lecture notes for last term. The work situation at the end of term 2 is depressing. Other people actually work! I want to work! I need to sort my life out. I am going to sort my life out tomorrow.
Meanwhile, a fantastic little production is taking shape in my head - and also panicking me when I think about next term because I want to direct this thing but also want to act in something - there is so much going on drama-wise next term and I really really want to be in at least two of them (but no, of course that's a bad idea. I need to look at dates and things and work out what I can do sensibly) but also work has to take centre stage (ha ha, funny choice of phrase)because about a quarter of my degree is due next term! Not that much. But a heck of a lot.

But my holidays have been awesome! The first part - I went to London - I love London! My brother lives in a flat in Shadwell, which is in East London, and inhabited almost entirely by Bangladeshis, and I loved it.
Yes, it is really not good for me to be holed up here, when it's people and places that get me excited. Also, there are very few books, both here and in my flat in Edinburgh. I can't live like that. I miss intensely the library at Morland. (Which is where I spent Christmas. Oh, wood-burning stoves! ) Books, fire and company.

I should go and cook something and then...I should probably call my parents in the morning - quite early in the morning, and ask what to do and whether Patrizios are there with spare key...

Here is a video to cheer you up. I've watched it perhaps 50 times. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=WCUfkMkVbwo

And a Happy New Year.
I would appreciate a hug and a prayer, spiritually rubbish year of prolonged crisis to tell you the truth, but God has got a hold of me and already the sky is lightening. I have been rubbish at communicating - like a child with a disability - but I hope for that to change - I plan for that to change - I will be writing letters and telling everything to someone. Because not talking is nonsensical self-punishment. I want to look back on 2009 and say 'that was an awesome year, full of love and growth and light and life and excitement'. Man, I'm starving. I love you all. xxxx